What We Talk About When We Fall In Love
From a comic in the Esquire of December 1988 (heh, my birth month):
29% — We cannot believe how perfect we are for each other.
“We both love to dance,” she says.
“We both fear the dentist,” he says.
“The white album changed both of our lives,” she says.
“We both love leftover Chinese food,” he says.
“We’re both allergic to beestings,” she says.
“We both use plastic garbage bags,” he says.14% — We have never felt this way about anyone in our entire lives.
“I thought I felt sure before, but now I’m sure I’m sure,” she says.
“Same with me,” he says.11% — The compilsive retelling of the miraculous story of our coming together as ordained by the hand of fate.
“Wait! You left out the dog part!” she says.
“Oh yeah! How we both said ‘nice dog’ at the exact same time!” he says.
“That’s when I knew,” she says.
“Same here,” he says.9% — Mutual creation of a mythic dream of ideal future together with no foreseeable problems.
“Okay, so we’ll get a place in L.A., a place in New York, and we’ll both quit our jobs, write a screenplay, and then we’ll travel.”7% — Descriptive outpourings about past mates who never understood us.
“She accused me of being withholding.”
“He was withholding.”
“She was overbearing.”
“He said I was overbearing.”6% — Bitter soliloquies about parents who never understood us.
“I mean, my mom called Old Yeller ‘just a movie,’ you know?”
“Oh my god.”
“Hold me.”6% — Melancholy monologues about never having been understood by anyone else.
“I’ve always felt, well, ‘different’, you know?” “Same here.”5% — Random childhood memories and explanation of scars.
“I fell off a teeter-totter once.”5% — Who cares if I’m neglecting all responsibility, this is more important.
“So fire me.”2% — What time is it?
2% — We need to eat.
2% — We need to sleep.
2% — Do you have any shampoo and can I use your toothbrush?
0.001% — What could possibly go wrong?
“I just need a little time alone, that’s all.”
“What for?”
I just love the punchline. I wrote everything down, because I happen to not have a camera nor a scanner with me. Maybe I’ll repost this as a picture once I get a camera.
